I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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