that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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