I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
