just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
