Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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