Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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