Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
