What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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