It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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