My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
