On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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