I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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