I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
