Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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