Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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