I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
