i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
