I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
