i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
