I bet he comes in French.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
