the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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