Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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