if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
