I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
