i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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