just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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