she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
