The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
