How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
