About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
