I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
