I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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