i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
