Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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