Tell her she can't have a vagina
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
