As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
