Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize