Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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