I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
