My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
