Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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