O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
