can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
