A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
accomplished twins. life is a go
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
