Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
