Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
