Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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