Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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