Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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