You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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