Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
