new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
