her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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