I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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