Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
