I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
