why didn't you poke me back
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
