Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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