I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Can I color on your dick again?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
