Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
