Sry I called you an 8
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
