If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
