I hope mine doesn't look like that
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You ruined the universe
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
