Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
