it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Randomize
