Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize