Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
