Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
