Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
