The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
