got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
